Jesus Christ
has the answer for those struggling with sexual sins. “For in that He Himself
has suffered, being tempted, He is able to aid those who are tempted” (Heb.
2:18). Even in a life wrapped in prayers and scripture reading, many have found
themselves enslaved to a behavior that they do not want and even despise. God’s
will is for your holiness, your sanctification, and that you abstain from
sexual immorality knowing how to possess your own body in holiness and honor,
and not be inflamed with lust (1 Thess. 4:3-5).
Christ can
help you with every sinful and addictive behavior. His words are freely
provided in the Bible. This article specifically addresses what most of the
dozens of books and websites have not done to provide the knowledge necessary
to stop this prominent sin. The keys to overcoming immoral sexual behavior are
presented from God’s Word. Urging someone to read more, be saved, go to church,
and stop sinning are good things to do, but sometimes believers can still miss
how to overcome temptations and continue in salvation. Facing sexual
temptations are still thought to be inappropriate to openly address at some
churches, but the necessity of teaching on this subject is clearly seen upon
the apparent sexual immorality facing the Church from the 1st century unto
today (1 Cor. 5-7).
The man who
can honestly say that he has never been tempted to lust after a woman is rare.
Just as rare is the woman, who can say that she has not been tempted to
romantically fantasize about another man, real or invented. There is not really
any one particular person or generation to blame besides ourselves. Yes, it
would have been nice to have been isolated and kept from abuse and exposure to
such sins. Still, we must hold ourselves responsible.
What is
sexual immorality? Sadly, many
justify sexual sins and irrationally explain away the definition of sexual
immorality. Yet, you need to have a clear awareness and strong conviction, so
that you abhor this evil (Rom. 12:9). Jesus has a very clear definition of
sexually immorality. When He spoke of adulteries, fornications, and lewdness
being “evil things” that defile people, Christ knew what He meant (Mark
7:20-23). Adultery is sexual is engaging in sexual behavior with a married
person, and Jesus said that adultery includes divorcing and marrying another
person except for one’s spouse being sexually unfaithful (Matt. 5:32, 19:9,
Mark 10:11-12, Luke 16:18, cf. 1 Cor. 7:10-11). Christ also spoke against
lewdness, which His Spirit defined to mean to “allure through the lusts of the
flesh” (2 Pet. 2:18, cf. Luke 17:1, Jas. 1:13-14).
Now, consider
the definition of fornication from the Greek word porneia. This evil
behavior is all sexual behavior outside of marriage between one man and one
woman (Mark 10:6-7, cf. 1 Cor. 6:16, Eph. 5:31, Heb. 13:4). Procreation
according to God’s design shows us that families are built by the sexual
relationship between one man and one woman, but people also have the ability to
pervert their desires into strange lusts. Therefore, Jesus condemned pedophilia
in opposing the abuse of children (Matt. 18:7-10, Mark 9:42-50). Jesus did not
have to specify what He meant by fornication by a descriptive list including
rape, incest, and homosexuality. Jesus openly used the definition of
fornication according to the Law of Moses speaking to those who were under this
law. Within the Law of Moses, fornication is listed consisting of adultery, extra-marital
sex including premarital sex, incest, rape (pedophilia), sex during
menstruation, homosexuality, bestiality, prostitution, and uncovering nudity
(Lev. 18, 19:29, 20; Deut. 22:5, 22-30). There should not be any debate
concerning what is sexually immoral. Clearly, any sexual activity outside of
the bond between one woman and one man is unnatural (Rom. 1:24-32).
The Cause: “What is happening to me?!” Everyone is being
tempted by their own sinful desires and those desires can give birth to sin
unto spiritual death (Jas. 1:14-15). A person’s heart may become filled with
sin despite that this person may assemble every week with a congregation, read
the Scriptures everyday, pray at every meal, and think continually upon
spiritual matters. Jesus said in Mark 7:20-23 that what comes out of a man’s
heart defiles him (cf. Matt. 15:19-20). Remember Jesus’ words that out of the
heart proceed evil things like evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications,
covetousness, and lewdness (Mark 7:20-23). Regarding sexual immorality within
the heart, Jesus taught to not look to lust (Matt. 5:28). Looking at another
person with an inflamed craving and lust is adultery in the heart. Spouses are
hurt by their mate’s lusting for others as though that lust is actual adultery.
Jesus said, “And I say to that every person looking at a woman with covetous
lust for her has now committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt. 5:28).
Without evil thoughts and imaginations, fleshly lusts are powerless.
How can
someone become enslaved to a sin that a person does not want to do? If you feel enslaved and
feel like you cannot control your sexual behavior, the Bible talks about
enslaved behavior of all kinds. Such enslavement to behavior is the same as an
addiction or compulsion. Sexual immorality is a sin against one’s own body
giving one’s desires and thought to compulsive desires (1 Cor. 6:15-20). Jesus
said, “The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak” (Mark 14:38, Matt.
26:41). Many, who are caught in sexual sin or any habitual sin, relate to these
words: “For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I
do not practice; but what I hate, that I do” (Rom. 7:15). The problem is that
sin is dwelling within one’s flesh rather than the Spirit of Christ indwelling within
one’s body, and that person cannot find how to perform what is good (Rom.
7:17-20). No one can perform what is good with sin dwelling within oneself.
Yet, there is a way of escape for us all (1 Cor. 10:13). Therefore, “Escape
sexual immorality!” (1 Cor. 6:18, cf. Gen. 39:8-13). “Can we continue in sin
that grace may increase? Certainly not!” (Rom. 6:1-2a).
“O
wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?” (Rom.
7:24).
The Answer: God’s grace is the answer. Grace teaches the
denying of worldly lusts (Titus 2:11-12). The Christian must see God’s grace as
more than salvation from past sins, but also a deliverance from coming
temptations. Christ has already forgiven you of the sins that now tempt you.
Why do them again? Christians must see the extent of personal sins, and the
loving grace that forgave those sins (Luke 7:40-43). Jesus died so that His
followers are compelled more by Christ’s love and forgiving grace than by the
lusts that compel so many to sin (2 Cor. 5:14-15).
The Spirit of
Christ says, “Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the
flesh” (Gal. 5:16-17). God’s Spirit commands that we be filled with the
Spirit rather than excesses (Eph. 5:18). This is our choice and our action.
Many think they are filled with the Spirit, but they are not when they continue
to sin. When a Christian sees the victories and conquests over sins when they
do walk in the Spirit, they should be attentive and reproduce that pattern of
living everyday. Therefore, fill your life with Christ, His life, His words,
His love, and His commands given to His Apostles and prophets found in the
scriptures (cf. Col. 3:16). Set your mind as a whole thinking on all the
teachings of Christ given to us through His Apostles and prophets (Eph. 3:3-5).
Walk in Spirit, and you will have the fruits of the Spirit, which include
self-control (Gal. 5:22-23). Be diligent to grow in the virtues of your faith
(2 Pet. 1:5-11). Counter your temptations from sinful desires, cravings, and
urges by walking in the Spirit.
To walk by
the Spirit, die with Christ, be buried with Him, and be raised with Him. If you do not do this, then none
of your attempts to follow Christ will help you. What love do you really have
for Christ? You are not saved by grace until you are made alive being raised
with Christ (Eph. 2:4-6). Therefore, be conformed to the death, burial, and
resurrection of Christ (Phil. 3:9-10). By an obedient faith, a believer is only
made alive with Christ through His resurrection by dying to sin and being
buried with Christ in baptism to be raised with Christ (Rom. 6:1-7, Col.
2:12-13). This is the Gospel by which everyone must be saved (1 Cor. 15:1-4,
cf. Rom. 1:16). Jesus commanded baptism in the name of the Father, the Son, and
the Holy Spirit when He was resurrected (Matt. 28:19, Mark 16:16). This baptism
is an immersion in water that has power through Christ’s words, His death, and
His resurrection when one dies to oneself, is buried with Christ, and is born
again through the resurrection of Christ (1 Pet. 1:3, 3:21, John 3:5, Titus
3:5, cf. Acts 2:38, 10:47-48, 22:16).
Christians
know the love of Christ by Jesus’ selfless sacrifice (1 John 4:9-10). To
overcome any sin, you must be compelled and motivated. Christ’s love
is what compels and controls Christians to die with Christ to live (2 Cor.
5:14-15). See, love is the first blessing listed among the fruits of the Spirit
(Gal. 5:22-23). God indwells within Christians when those believers abide in love,
because God is love (1 John 4:16). Thus, God’s love has been poured into the
hearts of Christians through the Holy Spirit (Rom. 5:5-8). Only by Christ’s
sacrifice can anyone really know love and be compelled by love (John 15:13, 1
John 3:16, cf. 1 John 5:1-3). When God indwells by love, Christians gain their
strength (Eph. 3:16-19). You must have this love in your heart, and then
Christ’s love will compel you to overcome.
Therefore,
learn to set your mind on the Spirit (Rom. 8:5-6). Remember that evil thoughts and
imaginations feed the lusts of the flesh. Wherever you are, start disciplining
the mind, and be aware that God sees you and He knows your thoughts. You must
set your mind on the Spirit to be spiritually aware above the lusts of the
flesh. “[Y]ou must put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which
grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit
of your mind” (Eph. 4:22-23). Romans 8:5-6 states,
“For those
who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but
those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. For to be
carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.”
In offering
one’s body as a living offering, Romans 12:2 commands, “And do not be
conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind,
that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of
God.” You must change your mind and thus your heart (Rom. 1:28, 8:7; Eph. 2:3,
4:17-24; Phil. 3:19, 4:8, Col. 1:12, 2:8, 3:1-5ff; 1 Tim. 6:5; Titus 1:15,
2:11-12; Jas. 1:8, 4:8, 1 Pet. 1:13).
Set your mind
by Christ’s words and love.
When setting the mind on the Spirit, the Spirit dwells in you (Rom. 8:9-11).
The mind must be set upon Christ’s love (John 4:23, Eph. 3:16-17, 1 John
4:7-13). Again, that love compels us to be crucified with Christ and be alive
in Him (2 Cor. 5:14-15, Gal. 2:20, cf. John 15:13). Therefore, believers must
set their minds on the love of God. We increase in that love by abiding in
Christ’s words (John 14:21-24). James 1:21 states, “Therefore lay aside all
filthiness and overflow of wickedness, and receive with meekness the
implanted word, which is able to save your souls” (cf. Col. 3:16, Eph.
5:18). This is the work of the Spirit to change you through the indwelling of
God’s Word (2 Cor. 3:18, Rom. 8:5-6, 11-13). Therefore, think on those things
that are truthful, honorable, just, pure, loving, respectful, virtuous, and
praiseworthy (Phil 4:8).
Setting your
mind must include prayer.
Jesus told His disciples on the night of His betrayal, “Watch and pray that you
may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is
weak” (Matt. 26:41, Mark 14:38). Jesus warned His disciples, and yet that night,
they all fled when they said that they would not (Mark 14:26-31). As Luke’s
Gospel describes, Jesus said, “Pray that you may not enter into temptation”
(Luke 22:40, 46). Was Jesus wrong about prayer?! These are not useless words!
Would prayer have helped deliver these disciples? Yes, it would. If prayer
against temptation was not useful and powerful, why would Jesus have commanded
His disciples to pray? What if they would have prayed 3 times that night? Take
an example in this to pray constantly (1 Thess. 5:17). Wake up praying against
temptation, pray throughout the day, and pray before bed. Do this for the rest
of your life and do this in setting your mind on the Spirit. Christ taught His
followers to pray, “Bring us not into temptation” (Matt. 6:13, Luke 11:4).
Set your mind
to make no provision for the flesh to fulfill its lust (Rom. 13:13-14). Set up a
perimeter in your mind and in your life. Find a way to stay away from private
temptations for secret sins. Remember Solomon’s warning to not go near the
street of the adulterous woman at night (Prov. 7). Make no way for private and
hidden sins. Romans 13:13-14 states,
“Let us walk
properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and
lust, not in strife and envy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no
provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts.”
From here,
grow in Christ and in His virtues for the rest of your life (2 Pet. 1:4-11).
This is a war, and Christians must fight the good fight. “[A]bstain from
fleshly lusts which war against the soul” (1 Pet. 2:12). Lusts are trying to
deceive you (Jas. 1:14-15). The fact of the matter is that doing nothing is not
going to aid you in overcoming these sins. Remove the temptation to sin. Jesus
said in Matthew 18:9, “And if your eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out, and
cast it from you: it is good for you to enter into life with one eye, rather
than having two eyes to be cast into the hell of fire” (cf. Mark 9:43-48, Matt.
19:12).
Jesus did not
give into temptation to overcome temptation. Be diligent to have this mindset always. Remember
that when Jesus was tempted that He countered the temptation with a better
thought from Scripture rather than trying to ignore the temptation (Luke 4, cf.
Matt. 4). God’s grace is through His Word. Do not feel guilty about being
tempted. Jesus was tempted. You are going to be tempted. You will be tempted by
urges and desires to do evil, and you may not be able to make those urges go
away. You do not have to give into them and hurt yourself. Recognize the lusts
of your flesh are separate from who you are. You are not your flesh and its
desires.
The
temptation can and will eventually diminish. A compelling love and a greater
grace will ease and lessen your urges. The urges will weaken. Do not be deceive
to believe the lie that urges will keep growing and not stop until giving into
sin. “Therefore subordinate to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you”
(Jas. 4:7). The Bible teaches that tempting urges can cease naturally. Knowing
the path of sin that “each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by
his own desire” (Jas. 1:14). You can endure the urge without giving into the
temptation (1 Cor. 10:13). Enduring temptations will make you happy, and the
light of a new day will fill your soul more than any worldly pleasure. For
“Blessed [happy] is the man who endures temptation” (Jas. 1:12, cf.
1:4). Fear God, escape, and then endure with prayer. You are able. You do not
have to give into the temptation. Giving into temptations will only make temptations
worse and increase sin upon sin (Rom. 6:19).
Take up your
cross daily and follow Christ (Luke 9:23). After reading this, those struggling
should consider daily the questions of self-reflection and scripture in this
post, “How to
Overcome Habitual Sins and Addictions through Christ“. Do this with prayer until God
has blessed you to overcome your temptations.
- Addendum -
What about
God’s forgiveness and grace? What about if we stumble again? Everyone sins and everyone
stumbles (Rom. 3:23, Jas 3:2). Feel guilty and let it help change you. Have
godly sorrow and fear God since “godly sorrow works repentance unto salvation”
(2 Cor. 7:10). You can be forgiven by God’s grace. Jesus taught us to forgive
when one confesses repentance 7 times in a day (Luke 17:3-4). Why? Because we
are to forgive as God forgives us (Eph. 4:32, Col. 3:13). What if we confess
repentance 7 times in a day to God? Therefore, as we walk in the light and
confess our sins to the Father, God cleanses us from all sins (1 John 1:7, 9).
Let the Word on the heart’s conscience motivate you.
Manage your
desires within marriage and, or by other natural emissions. God has provided ways to cope by
managing sexual desires. The Scriptures refer to nocturnal emissions and
staying clean (Deut. 23:9-14). When Israelite soldiers were single or away from
their wives, they were not excused in the circumstances of war to behave in a
sexually immoral way by committing adultery, rape, or any other evil. Married
men still have to be able to know how to manage themselves at specific times in
their marriage. This is what God has naturally provided. God gave further
instructions to Israelite men to live with a way to control themselves (Lev.
15:1-17). Women also have a similar natural function, and they have the same
task to maintain self-control. Realizing this should encourage you to rely on
God’s ways rather than yours and help you with desires you may think you cannot
control. No one has to submit to the world’s ways of addressing these desires
by giving into lust.
Respecting
marriage is vital. Just the
simple conviction that sex is an act of love meant only for your spouse greatly
changes how one’s desires are directed. You have to honor marriage by
respecting the marriage bed even if you are not married. A single person can be
guilty of defiling the marriage bed and engaging immoral sexual behavior. This
is clear by the reference to fornication in Hebrews 13:4, which says,
“Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and
adulterers God will judge.” Marital issues of intimacy need to be resolved by
both those married and not married (1 Cor. 7:1-9). Marital affections are due
to each spouse. “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and
likewise also the wife to her husband” (1 Cor. 7:3). “Do not deprive one
another” (1 Cor. 7:5). Why? “Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality,
let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband” (1
Cor. 7:2). “[I]f they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is
better to marry than to burn with passion.” (1 Cor. 7:9). Husbands and
wives must be very acreful not deprive their spouses.
Men need to
understand that a Scriptural marriage means loving his wife by honoring and
nourishing her with a tender and warm affection (Greek: thalpo) (1
Pet. 3:7, Eph. 5:28-29). He must do this with understanding and without bitterness
(Col. 3:19, 1 Pet. 3:7). Likewise, women must also recognize that God’s ideal
for marriage is for a wife to love and respect her husband by subordinating as
is fitting to the Lord (Eph. 5:22, 33, Col. 3:18, Titus 2:4, 1 Pet. 3:1).
Desire for the opposite sex is designed for marriage and all other desires
outside of marriage are perversions. This desire of the flesh can only be
controlled by using it properly within love. This is all vitally important in
understanding marriage and honoring the marriage bed.
What about
unnatural desires? If you have
unnatural desires like homosexual desires and other forms of paraphilia, these
are lusts and temptations given to people, who are not recognizing the true
God, glorifying Him, and thanking Him (Rom. 1:18-27). Therefore, recognize that
God made you in your specific gender and He made you in His image. This is true
even if God has made you are eunuch (Matt. 19:11). Thank God and glorify Him
for the traits of your gender. Grow and be strong in the natural qualities of
your God-given gender. If you are a man, live as a man and enjoy that life and
put away any femininity and your natural desires can be restored. If you are a
woman, be feminine and womanly by putting away any masculine tendencies. While
you still may be tempted, listen to Jesus and be committed even to be a eunuch
for the kingdom of heaven’s sake (Matt. 19:12). God made man and woman to be
together in marriage, and all desires outside of this are outside of God’s
will.
May God bless
those who read this. Your comments are questions are always welcome.
- More about
Making No Provision for the Flesh -
(A) How to
avoid pornography? Starting
with the internet, TV, and magazines. Pornography is probably the most common
sin of Christian men. Having the internet is like having a stack of
pornographic magazines under one’s bed. The temptation is always there. This is
like the street of the adulterous woman as Solomon instructs not to go near
(Prov. 7). The street of the adulterous and strange woman can be the internet
or television, so don’t let her street end at your house. Many find it easy to
control their hands from exchanging money for pornographic magazines, but
struggle to restrain themselves when thinking they are anonymous online. Your
deepest conviction must be that this is an evil thing, sexually immoral, and
for the married man, it is adultery in the heart.
Get rid of
any saved sexual material. Get rid of the bad cable channels or get rid of
cable TV all together. Put the computer in a common room with 2 or 3 filters
and maybe use accountability software if you want. This is good to protect
children. Regarding internet filters, OpenDNS and Family
Safety are
excellent and free. This will not always prevent temptation. Even though sin
may be hindered, this will not stop one from going back into this sin. You
are going to have to gain self-control.
(B) How to
maintain purity when dating and engaged? Remember “make not provision for the flesh” (Rom.
13:14). Only date someone who you would marry and when you decide otherwise
while dating then cease the romantic relationship. Double dates and meeting in
public places is the best if not the only way to date, but there is something
else that can make it easier. Draw a line to not cross. Where should you draw
the line?
Physical
relationships between a man and woman progress. The progression of affection is
a part of how God has designed man and woman. The usual physical progression of
a relationship usually looks like this: an arm around shoulder, holding hands,
kissing, passionate kissing, petting, taking off clothing, stimulation, and
intercourse. Of this progression, when does one quit thinking clearly? Most
would point to passionate kissing. At passionate kissing, rational thinking is
often thrown away as the couple becomes “love-drunk”. You can prevent the
progression into sin by avoiding passionate kissing.
It can be
extremely tempting for some couples to be alone for even an hour. Sexual
desires reach a point of sexual intoxication when one cannot think clearly. Try
talking sense into someone who is drunk. How can sensual drunkenness be
prevented? We must keep from the passion of lust. What triggers sexual passion
and intoxication? Decide and know exactly when to stop along the progression
and let your date know too. If your date passes this point, separate from that
person for some time.
(C) How
maintain affections within my marriage? First Corinthians 7:2 states, “But,
because of fornications, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman
have her own husband.” Here is an answer to sexual desire. Marriage certainly
makes it easier. Now, temptations can arise from not fulfilling marital
affections. A successful marriage based on rendering what is due (1 Cor. 7:1ff)
and obeying Ephesians 5:23-31 will usually prevent these sexual sins. Now and
all the time, “make not provision of the flesh” (Rom. 13:14). Do not privately
meet with anyone of the opposite sex that you are attracted to or could be.
Temptations for adultery are increased by the lack of attention, affection, and
admiration from the other spouse. A little attention, affection, and admiration
from someone else welcomes an affair, and a little attention, affection, and
admiration toward your spouse pushes such temptations away.
