Wednesday, 5 August 2015
Tuesday, 17 February 2015
How to Stop Making the Same Mistakes Over and Over Again
How to Stop Making the Same Mistakes Over and Over Again
Old habits die hard. This can be an excruciatingly painful lesson to learn, especially when it comes to making mistakes in business. While mishaps aren’t always a bad thing (the process of well-planned trial and error can teach lessons that textbooks cannot), often entrepreneurs get in a rut where they repeat the same mistakes over and over again. This slippery slope of developing these negative habits can have devastating consequences on a business’ success -- if not caught before they become ingrained in established processes.
One way to effectively combat falling into these habits is to constantly stay in the mode of creativity. A creative mindset is one that evaluates problems, adapts to circumstances and implements lasting, valuable solutions.
Need a little thinking outside the box? Try these techniques.
Related: The Daily Schedules of Creative Geniuses (Interactive Graphic)
Switch it up. To catch these negative habits, sometimes you have to interrupt habits altogether. Switch up your morning routine by traveling a different route to work or stopping at a different coffee shop along the way. One simple change in routine can create a domino effect and inspire you to do other things differently.
Visualize the process. Begin a brainstorming session by getting out a piece of paper, clearing the dry-erase board or grabbing a napkin and drawing the number-one area of opportunity the business would benefit from focusing on. What does it look like? Don’t be afraid of being silly or thinking of ideas that are completely out there, in the end, these very concepts could very well hold the answers you’re seeking.
Pretend you’re in a different position. To see things from a different angle, sometimes you have to literally move where you’re sitting. So, even though you know what your employees’ duties are, do you know what the day looks like through their eyes? Ask to shadow them for an hour one day and you may see the world differently.
Related: 10 Must-See Videos on Business, Creativity and Success
Observe without judgment. That one idea that you’re heavily resistant to could have some valid concepts layered within it. Often, judgments are immediate responses and can cut observation off at its source. Simple observation is the root of inspiration and inspiration fuels creativity
Get weird. Do something unconventional. Don’t be afraid to have fun. Sometimes, creativity can be stifled when office environments seem too “stuffy”. Have an employee talent show. Host an ice cream social. Have one day where all of the staff can dress up like their favorite character from The Walking Dead. Seriously. These types of activities help people loosen up, which could lead to creative solutions.
8 Common Thinking Mistakes Our Brains Make Every Day and How to Prevent Them
Get ready to have your mind blown.
I was seriously shocked at some of these mistakes in thinking that I subconsciously make all the time. Obviously, none of them are huge, life-threatening mistakes, but they are really surprising and avoiding them could help us to make more rational, sensible decisions.
Especially as we strive for continued self-improvement as we build Buffer’s social media management platform, if we look at our values, being aware of the mistakes we naturally have in our thinking can make a big difference in avoiding them. Unfortunately, most of these occur subconsciously, so it will also take time and effort to avoid them—if you even want to.
Regardless, I think it’s fascinating to learn more about how we think and make decisions every day, so let’s take a look at some of these thinking habits we didn’t know we had.
1. We surround ourselves with information that matches our beliefs
We tend to like people who think like us. If we agree with someone’s beliefs, we’re more likely to be friends with them. While this makes sense, it means that we subconsciously begin to ignore or dismiss anything that threatens our world views, since we surround ourselves with people and information that confirm what we already think.
mistakes in how we think - confirmation bias, thinking mistakes
This is called confirmation bias. If you’ve ever heard of the frequency illusion, this is very similar. The frequency illusion occurs when you buy a new car, and suddenly you see the same car everywhere. Or when a pregnant woman suddenly notices other pregnant women all over the place. It’s a passive experience, where our brains seek out information that’s related to us, but we believe there’s been an actual increase in the frequency of those occurrences.
It’s similar to how improving our body language can actually also change who we are as people.
Confirmation bias is a more active form of the same experience. It happens when we proactively seek out information that confirms our existing beliefs.
mistakes in how we think, confirmation bias, thinking mistakes
Not only do we do this with the information we take in, but we approach our memories this way, as well. In an experiment in 1979 at the University of Minnesota, participants read a story about a women called Jane who acted extroverted in some situations and introverted in others. When the participants returned a few days later, they were divided into two groups. One group was asked if Jane would be suited to a job as a librarian, the other group were asked about her having a job as a real-estate agent. The librarian group remembered Jane as being introverted and later said that she would not be suited to a real-estate job. The real-estate group did the exact opposite: they remembered Jane as extroverted, said she would be suited to a real-estate job and when they were later asked if she would make a good librarian, they said no.
mistakes in how we think - confirmation bias 3
In 2009, a study at Ohio State showed that we will spend 36 percent more time reading an essay if it aligns with our opinions.
Whenever your opinions or beliefs are so intertwined with your self-image you couldn’t pull them away without damaging your core concepts of self, you avoid situations which may cause harm to those beliefs. – David McRaney
mistakes in how we think - confirmation bias 4
This trailer for David McRaney’s book, You are Now Less Dumb, explains this concept really well with a story about how people used to think geese grew on trees (seriously), and how challenging our beliefs on a regular basis is the only way to avoid getting caught up in the confirmation bias:
2. We believe in the “swimmer’s body” illusion
This has to be one of my favorite thinking mistakes I came across. In Rolf Dobelli’s book, The Art of Thinking Clearly, he explains how our ideas about talent and extensive training are well off-track:
Professional swimmers don’t have perfect bodies because they train extensively. Rather, they are good swimmers because of their physiques. How their bodies are designed is a factor for selection and not the result of their activities.
mistakes in how we think - swimmer's body illusion, thinking mistakes
The “swimmer’s body illusion” occurs when we confuse selection factors with results. Another good example is top performing universities: are they actually the best schools, or do they choose the best students, who do well regardless of the school’s influence? Our mind often plays tricks on us and that is one of the key ones to be aware of.
What really jumped out at me when researching this section was this particular line from Dobelli’s book:
Without this illusion, half of advertising campaigns would not work.
It makes perfect sense, when you think about it. If we believed that we were predisposed to be good at certain things (or not), we wouldn’t buy into ad campaigns that promised to improve our skills in areas where it’s unlikely we’ll ever excel.
This is similar to the skill of learning to say no, or how our creativity actually works: Both diverge strongly to what we think is true, versus what actions will actually help us get the result we want.
3. We worry about things we’ve already lost
No matter how much I pay attention to the sunk cost fallacy, I still naturally gravitate towards it.
The term sunk cost refers to any cost (not just monetary, but also time and effort) that has been paid already and cannot be recovered. So, a payment of time or money that’s gone forever, basically.
The reason we can’t ignore the cost, even though it’s already been paid, is that we wired to feel loss far more strongly than gain. Psychologist Daniel Kahneman explains this in his book, Thinking Fast and Slow:
Organisms that placed more urgency on avoiding threats than they did on maximizing opportunities were more likely to pass on their genes. So, over time, the prospect of losses has become a more powerful motivator on your behavior than the promise of gains.
The sunk cost fallacy plays on this tendency of ours to emphasize loss over gain. This research study is a great example of how it works:
Hal Arkes and Catehrine Blumer created an experiment in 1985 which demonstrated your tendency to go fuzzy when sunk costs come along. They asked subjects to assume they had spent $100 on a ticket for a ski trip in Michigan, but soon after found a better ski trip in Wisconsin for $50 and bought a ticket for this trip too. They then asked the people in the study to imagine they learned the two trips overlapped and the tickets couldn’t be refunded or resold. Which one do you think they chose, the $100 good vacation, or the $50 great one?
Over half of the people in the study went with the more expensive trip. It may not have promised to be as fun, but the loss seemed greater.
So, just like the other mistakes I’ve explained in this post, the sunk cost fallacy leads us to miss or ignore the logical facts presented to us, and instead make irrational decisions based on our emotions—without even realizing we’re doing so:
The fallacy prevents you from realizing the best choice is to do whatever promises the better experience in the future, not which negates the feeling of loss in the past.
Being such a subconscious reaction, it’s hard to avoid this one. Our best bet is to try to separate the current facts we have from anything that happened in the past. For instance, if you buy a movie ticket only to realize the movie is terrible, you could either:
a) stay and watch the movie, to “get your money’s worth” since you’ve already paid for the ticket (sunk cost fallacy)
or
b) leave the cinema and use that time to do something you’ll actually enjoy.
The thing to remember is this: you can’t get that investment back. It’s gone. Don’t let it cloud your judgement in whatever decision you’re making in this moment—let it remain in the past.
4. We incorrectly predict odds
Imagine you’re playing Heads or Tails with a friend. You flip a coin, over and over, each time guessing whether it will turn up heads or tails. You have a 50/50 chance of being right each time.
Now suppose you’ve flipped the coin five times already and it’s turned up heads every time. Surely, surely, the next one will be tails, right? The chances of it being tails must be higher now, right?
Well, no. The chances of tails turning up are 50/50. Every time. Even if you turned up heads the last twenty times. The odds don’t change.
mistakes in how we think - gambler's fallacy, thinking mistakes
The gambler’s fallacy is a glitch in our thinking—once again, we’re proven to be illogical creatures. The problem occurs when we place too much weight on past events and confuse our memory with how the world actually works, believing that they will have an effect on future outcomes (or, in the case of Heads or Tails, any weight, since past events make absolutely no difference to the odds).
mistakes in how we think - gambler's fallacy
Unfortunately, gambling addictions in particular are also affected by a similar mistake in thinking—the positive expectation bias. This is when we mistakenly think that eventually, our luck has to change for the better. Somehow, we find it impossible to accept bad results and give up—we often insist on keeping at it until we get positive results, regardless of what the odds of that happening actually are.
5. We rationalize purchases we don’t want
I’m as guilty of this as anyone. How many times have you gotten home after a shopping trip only to be less than satisfied with your purchase decisions and started rationalizing them to yourself? Maybe you didn’t really want it after all, or in hindsight you thought it was too expensive. Or maybe it didn’t do what you hoped, and was actually useless to you.
Regardless, we’re pretty good at convincing ourselves that those flashy, useless, badly thought-out purchases are necessary after all. This is known as post-purchase rationalization or Buyer’s Stockholm Syndrome.
The reason we’re so good at this comes back to psychology of language:
Social psychologists say it stems from the principle of commitment, our psychological desire to stay consistent and avoid a state of cognitive dissonance.
Cognitive dissonance is the discomfort we get when we’re trying to hold onto two competing ideas or theories. For instance, if we think of ourselves as being nice to strangers, but then we see someone fall over and don’t stop to help them, we would then have conflicting veiws about ourselves: we are nice to strangers, but we weren’t nice to the stranger who fell over. This creates so much discomfort that we have to change our thinking to match our actions—i.e. we start thinking of ourselves as someone who is not nice to strangers, since that’s what our actions proved.
So in the case of our impulse shopping trip, we would need to rationalize the purchases until we truly believe we needed to buy those things, so that our thoughts about ourselves line up with our actions (making the purchases).
The tricky thing in avoiding this mistake is that we generally act before we think (which can be one of the most important element that successful people have as traits!), leaving us to rationalize our actions afterwards.
Being aware of this mistake can help us avoid it by predicting it before taking action—for instance, as we’re considering a purchase, we often know that we will have to rationalize it to ourselves later. If we can recognize this, perhaps we can avoid it. It’s not an easy one to tackle, though!
6. We make decisions based on the anchoring effect
Dan Ariely is a behavioural economist who gave one of my favorite TED talks ever about the irrationality of the human brain when it comes to making decisions.
He illustrates this particular mistake in our thinking superbly, with multiple examples. The anchoring effect essentially works like this: rather than making a decision based on pure value for investment (time, money, etc.), we factor in comparative value—that is, how much value an option offers when compared to another option.
Let’s look at some examples from Dan, to illustrate this effect in practice:
One example is an experiment that Dan conducted using two kinds of chocolates for sale in a booth: Hershey’s Kisses and Lindt Truffles. The Kisses were one penny each, while the Truffles were fifteen cents each. Considering the quality differences between the two kinds of chocolates and the normal prices of both items, the Truffles were a great deal, and the majority of visitors to the booth chose the Truffles.
For the next stage of his experiment, Dan offered the same two choices, but lowered the prices by one cent each. So now the Kisses were free, and the Truffles cost fourteen cents each. Of course, the Truffles are even more of a bargain now, but since the Kisses were free, most people chose those instead.
Your loss aversion system is always vigilant, waiting on standby to keep you from giving up more than you can afford to spare, so you calculate the balance between cost and reward whenever possible. – You Are Not So Smart
Another example Dan offers in his TED talk is when consumers are given holiday options to choose between. When given a choice of a trip to Rome, all expenses paid, or a similar trip to Paris, the decision is quite hard. Each city comes with its own food, culture and travel experiences that the consumer must choose between.
When a third option is added, however, such as the same Rome trip, but without coffee included in the morning, things change. When the consumer sees that they have to pay 2,50 euros for coffee in the third trip option, not only does the original Rome trip suddenly seem superior out of these two, it also seems superior to the Paris trip. Even though they probably hadn’t even considered whether coffee was included or not before the third option was added.
Here’s an even better example from another of Dan’s experiments:
Dan found this real ad for subscriptions to The Economist, and used it to see how a seemingly useless choice (like Rome without coffee) affects our decisions.
mistakes in how we think - anchoring effect
To begin with, there were three choices: subscribe to The Economist web version for $59, the print version for $125, or subscribe to both the print and web versions for $125. It’s pretty clear what the useless option is here. When Dan gave this form to 100 MIT students and asked them which option they would choose, 84% chose the combo deal for $125. 16% chose the cheaper, web-only option, and nobody chose the print-only option for $125.
mistakes in how we think - anchoring effect 2
Next, Dan removed the ‘useless’ print-only option which nobody wanted and tried the experiment with another group of 100 MIT students. This time, the majority chose the cheaper, web-only version, and the minority chose the combo deal. So even though nobody wanted the bad-value $125 print-only option, it wasn’t actually useless—in fact, it actually informed the decisions people made between the two other options by making the combo deal seem more valuable in relation.
This mistake is called the anchoring effect, because we tend to focus on a particular value and compare it to our other options, seeing the difference between values rather than the value of each option itself.
Eliminating the ‘useless’ options ourselves as we make decisions can help us choose more wisely. On the other hand, Dan says that a big part of the problem comes from simply not knowing our own preferences very well, so perhaps that’s the area we should focus on more, instead.
Whilst we know that our decision making skills as people are often poor, (more on this topic here), it’s fascinating how “free” can affect us. In fact “free” has been mentioned before as one of the most powerful ways that can affect our decision making.
7. We believe our memories more than facts
Our memories are highly fallible and plastic. And yet, we tend to subconsciously favor them over objective facts. The availability heuristic is a good example of this. It works like this:
Suppose you read a page of text and then you’re asked whether the page includes more words that end in “ing” or more words with “n” as the second-last letter. Obviously, it would be impossible for there to be more “ing” words than words with “n” as their penultimate letter (it took me a while to get that—read over the sentence again, carefully, if you’re not sure why that is). However, words ending in “ing” are easier to recall than words like hand, end, or and, which have “n” as their second-last letter, so we would naturally answer that there are more “ing” words.
What’s happening here is that we are basing our answer of probability (i.e. whether it’s probable that there are more “ing” words on the page) on how available relevant examples are (i.e. how easily we can recall them). Our troubles in recalling words with “n” as the second last letter make us think those words don’t occur very often, and we subconsciously ignore the obvious facts in front of us.
Although the availability heuristic is a natural process in how we think, two Chicago scholars have explained how wrong it can be:
Yet reliable statistical evidence will outperform the availability heuristic every time.
The lesson here? Whenever possible, look at the facts. Examine the data. Don’t base a factual decision on your gut instinct without at least exploring the data objectively first. If we look at the psychology of language in general, we’ll find even more evidence that looking at facts first is necessary.
8. We pay more attention to stereotypes than we think
The funny thing about lots of these thinking mistakes especially related to memory is that they’re so ingrained, I had to think long and hard about why they’re mistakes at all! This one is a good example—it took me a while to understand how illogical this pattern of thinking is.
It’s another one that explains how easily we ignore actual facts:
The human mind is so wedded to stereotypes and so distracted by vivid descriptions that it will seize upon them, even when they defy logic, rather than upon truly relevant facts.
Here’s an example to illustrate the mistake, from researchers Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky:
In 1983 Kahneman and Tversky tested how illogical human thinking is by describing the following imaginary person:
Linda is thirty-one years old, single, outspoken, and very bright. She majored in philosophy. As a student, she was deeply concerned with issues of discrimination and social justice, and also participated in antinuclear demonstrations.
The researchers asked people to read this description, and then asked them to answer this question:
Which alternative is more probable?
Linda is a bank teller.
Linda is a bank teller and is active in the feminist movement.
Here’s where it can get a bit tricky to understand (at least, it did for me!)—If answer #2 is true, #1 is also true. This means that #2 cannot be the answer to the question of probability.
Unfortunately, few of us realize this, because we’re so overcome by the more detailed description of #2. Plus, as the earlier quote pointed out, stereotypes are so deeply ingrained in our minds that subconsciously apply them to others.
Roughly 85% of people chose option #2 as the answer. A simple choice of words can change everything.
Again, we see here how irrational and illogical we can be, even when the facts are seemingly obvious.
I love this quote from researcher Daniel Kahneman on the differences between economics and psychology:
I was astonished. My economic colleagues worked in the building next door, but I had not appreciated the profound difference between our intellectual worlds. To a psychologist, it is self-evident that people are neither fully rational nor completely selfish, and that their tastes are anything but stable.
Clearly, it’s normal for us to be irrational and to think illogically, especially when language acts as a limitation to how we think, even though we rarely realize we’re doing it. Still, being aware of the pitfalls we often fall into when making decisions can help us to at least recognize them, if not avoid them.
Have you come across any other interesting mistakes we make in the way we think? Let us know in the comments.
Drama as Obasanjo quits PDP after 16 yrs
Drama as Obasanjo quits PDP after 16 yrs
FEBRUARY 17, 2015 BY TUNDE ODESOLA, OLUSOLA FABIYI, SAMUEL AWOYINFA, KAMARUDEEN OGUNDELE, OLALEKAN ADETAYO AND GODWIN ISENYO 319 COMMENTS
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L–R: Former President Olusegun Obasanjo watches as the Ward II, Abeokuta North chairman of the Peoples Democratic Party in Ogun State, Usman Oladunjoye, tears his (Obasanjo) PDP membership card in Abeokuta ... on Monday. With them are members of the party in the ward
L–R: Former President Olusegun Obasanjo watches as the Ward II, Abeokuta North chairman of the Peoples Democratic Party in Ogun State, Usman Oladunjoye, tears his (Obasanjo) PDP membership card in Abeokuta ... on Monday. With them are members of the party in the ward
Former President Olusegun Obasanjo on Monday finally dumped the ruling Peoples Democratic Party by asking that his membership card be torn.
But almost two hours after he did that, the Ogun State PDP executive council, headed by Chief Adebayo Dayo, announced his expulsion from the party over what it termed his “series of unabated anti-party activities.”
The former President was hosting the executive and members of the party from Ward 11, Abeokuta North at his Hilltop residence when he announced that he was dumping the PDP.
The ward Chairman, Alhaji Usman Oladunjoye, who led the delegation, had told Obasanjo that they were on the visit to verify reports on a plot to suspend him from the PDP.
After he had thanked them for their concern and narrated how the Goodluck Jonathan administration had almost run the country aground, he said, “They said they want to expel me from the PDP, although I have not been told that; I have my ears to the ground.
“We have been trying to run away from a mad man but he pleads we wait for him at the other side of the river.
“I have told you before that I became President on the platform of the PDP and once I leave the party, I will not join any other party.
“I will only be a Nigerian, I am ready to work with anybody regardless of political affiliation. Why would some people say they want to send me away.
“They don’t need to bother themselves, here’s your membership card, take it (at this point, he gave the card to Oladunjoye to tear).
As Oladunjoye stood up and tore the card, with Obasanjo watching him closely, the visitors rose from their seats, raised their hands and danced in support of his action.
After the pieces of the card were handed to some of the visitors, Obasanjo said, “From today on, in the presence of all of us and with your support, I am not going to be in any political party in Nigeria.
“I am no more a politician but a statesman, both internally and externally.
“You asked me two questions and I will answer them comprehensively. But before I answer them let me say this. This Nigeria belongs to all of us and it must not be destroyed.
“This is my PDP membership card, where I’m standing is that Nigeria belongs to everybody, including babies. We must not allow anybody to destroy it.
“Wherever they come from, whatever they have and if they destroy it, it becomes a burden to us, our children and the incoming generation.
“The question asked is which party am I? I belong to the group that believes that Nigeria must not be destroyed. Those of you that are traders, will observe that there’s inflation in the country . The Bureau de Change operators used to change a $1 for N150 but it is going to be N250 to a dollar.
“What it means is that, what you’ve been buying for N150 will sell for N250. This is not the kind of country we dream of. There’s no job; no money.
“It is unfortunate that those destroying the country are oblivious of the fact that the PDP exists because Nigeria still exists.
“I will never be in a party that will destroy Nigeria. Without Nigeria, there will be no PDP. What should be of concern to us is how to make Nigeria stronger by making our economy grow .”
Obasanjo,who joined the PDP in 1998, also debunked the allegation that he wanted to head an Interim National Government.
He said, “How can anybody in his right senses talk of ING in a democratic setting? Some of them are working for it. God will not allow it.’’ But almost two hours after he quit the PDP, the Dayo-led executive of the party, said the former President’s ward had in a letter dated February 12, accused him of anti-party activities and uncomplimentary utterances against President Goodluck Jonathan.
Dayo said, “Following the series of unabated anti-party activities unbecoming of a highly celebrated party man engaged in by Chief Obasanjo, totality of the executive, leaders and members of the PDP family in Ogun State hereby state categorically as from today, Monday, February 16, 2015, that Olusegun Obasanjo stands expelled and ex-communicated from the party, thereby losing all rights, previous privileges and respect of our teeming members.”
He added that whatever Obasanjo “does or says henceforth must no longer be seen from the prism of a PDP leader.”
Obasanjo tear1The PDP chief recalled that the former President was “intolerable of any form of criticisms while in office,” and wondered why he should be at loggerheads with Jonathan and the PDP.
Last year, Obasanjo withdrew from all PDP activities on the grounds that he could no longer be in the same party and be led in the South-West by someone he referred to as a drug baron.
The PDP National Chairman, Adamu Mu’azu, avoided comment on Obasanjo’s exit from the party but the Board of Trustees, the South-West chapter and Ekiti State Governor Ayodele Fayose described it as a welcome development.
The BoT Chairman, Tony Anenih, told State House correspondents after attending a meeting of PDP chiefs with Jonathan at the Presidential Villa, Abuja that the party stood to lose nothing from Obasanjo’s exit.
Anenih, who took over from Obasanjo as the BOT chairman, was initially reluctant to react to the development which obviously rattled the party chiefs.
The following conversation ensued between him and the State House correspondents.
As the chairman of the PDP BoT, how will you react to former President Obasanjo’s action which indicated that he had formally left your party?
He (Obasanjo) has the right to leave any party and he has the right to join any party. He is a Nigerian.
Will you miss him?
Why should we miss him?
Is Obasanjo’s exit not a big loss to the PDP?
To us leaders, it is not a loss.
He did not answer further questions as he made his way to his waiting car.
When the State House correspondents turned to Mu’azu, he pretended not to hear them.
The National Security Adviser, Sambo Dasuki, had to tell him that reporters were talking to him.
At this point, Mu’azu turned to the reporters, took a bow and walked briskly into the new Banqueting Hall of the Presidential Villa where Jonathan presided over another round of meetings with the party chiefs.
But the PDP spokesman, Olisa Metuh, later issued a statement in which the party described Obasanjo’s action as ‘‘unfortunate.’’
It said that it was difficult to know what made Obasanjo ask that his membership card be torn.
The statement read, “We have also carefully examined the circumstances and the reasons adduced for this unfortunate decision.
“While we concede to the inalienable rights of every citizen to hold opinion and to decide who to associate with, we are however deeply saddened that Obasanjo, a revered leader of our party, our first presidential candidate whom the PDP offered the platform to rule our nation for eight years, could decide to abandon this party at this critical point in time.
“This is especially as Obasanjo, who was also the chairman of the highest advisory organ of the PDP, the BoT, discountenanced all pleas by elders and leaders of our great party with regard to his reservations on certain issues within our fold.
“Many Nigerians are still bewildered as to what manner of provocation could have led a former President to lose his composure and go to the extent of tearing the membership card of the party that he once led.
“Indeed, the PDP is hugely at loss as to how the decision and action of the former President who had enjoyed the benefits of being elected to the highest position of leadership will assist in deepening our democracy and stabilising the polity.
“It is our considered opinion that no matter the provocation, a statesmanly disposition from a person of Obasanjo’s status could have encouraged our citizens and help in stabilising system.
“We believe however, that what this country needs now is patriotic actions that engender national unity, tolerance and peaceful coexistence of our people irrespective of political, ethnic and religious persuasions. The overall interest of our nation and well being of our citizens must remain paramount and above all personal and group interests.”
The Director of Media and Publicity of the Goodluck Jonathan Campaign Organisation, Femi Fani-Kayode, also described Obasanjo’s exit as tragic.
“We shall miss baba,” he said, promising to send a formal response on the issue through his press secretary.
But the response had yet to be sent as of 8pm on Monday.
obasanjo tornThe South-West Chairman of the PDP, Makanjuola Ogundipe, described Obasanjo’s action as “childish, self-serving and cruel.
He said, “Instead of turning himself to a masquerader, dancing naked in the market- place, Obasanjo should be honest enough to disclose those selfish demands that he made from President Jonathan, which were declined.”
Like Anenih, Ogundipe said in a statement that the party would not miss the former President, who according to him, had ceased from being a member of the PDP since last year.
The statement read in part, “He only formalised his exit from our party today(Monday) and we in the PDP are relieved now that we no longer have a mole among us.
“In the first instance, he has never contributed a dime to the PDP, a party that made him president. Rather, he has promoted strife and rebellion among members for his own selfish interests.
“It was his selfishness that caused us the governorship election in Ogun State in 2011 and it was his high-handedness that led to the exit of key members of the party. We are therefore happy that he has finally bid us farewell and we will not miss him.’’
Governor Fayose, who also described Obasanjo’s exit from the PDP as a good omen, said the former President ought to have been shown a red card long ago.
He said, “Obasanjo’s exit is a good riddance to bad rubbish. His departure is inglorious; we will never miss him.
“Now the PDP can sleep with two eyes closed because the lion among our brethren and the tormentor of Nigeria just left our party to join the All Progressives Congress.”
Fayose, who reacted through his Chief Press Secretary, Idowu Adelusi, added, “The former President was a man without honour who had been the major problem of the PDP.”
He said, “Obasanjo shouldn’t just tear his PDP membership card; he should relinquish the ownership of Bell University, Obasanjo Farms, Obasanjo Presidential Library, and other financial benefits he got during his eight years as President.’’
Kashamu, who is the chairman, Mobilisation and Organisation Committee of the PDP in the South-West, said Obasanjo had no electoral value and was therefore free to exit the PDP.
He said, ‘‘Obasanjo only took a pre-emptive step. It was reported in the newspapers today (Monday) that the state executive of the party would initiate appropriate disciplinary action against him for anti-party activities.
“This is in the hopes that the National Executive Council of the party will take it up from there.”
Two members of the PDP BoT – Shauib Oyedokun and Walid Jibrin – said the former President merely exhibited anger by tearing his membership card.
Oyedokun, in a text message to one of our correspondents, asked God to save the country and give her leaders that would lead by example.
He said, “Tearing of party card connotes anger at its peak. May Allah save Nigeria and give us leadership by example, leaders whose actions will be worthy of emulation.”
Jibrin, who is the Secretary of the BoT, said the former President should have behaved responsibly if he wanted to leave the party.
He said, “He (Obasanjo) should have behaved responsibly. If he wants to leave the PDP, is it wrong for him to do so? If he is to do that, will he come out in the public?
“He has access to the President; he has all the podium to do so; he has all the privileges to go and discuss with the President; do others behave that way?
“Should Obasanjo, a former Head of State, behave that way? Even if you want to take a decision like that, will you do it that way? As a responsible person, will you do it that way?
“There is a process of coming out of the PDP. You go to your ward and submit your card; give some explanations on why you are doing so.”
Obasanjo’ s action, a plus for APC
–El-Rufai
The All Progressives Congress Governorship candidate for Kaduna State, Nasir el-Rufai, said Obasanjo’s action would boost the fortune of the APC in the March 28 and April 11 elections.
El-Rufai, a former Minister of the Federal Capital Territory, said through his campaign organisation, that for the ex-President to dump the PDP should be a source of concern to Nigerians.
He said, “Obasanjo is a highly respected figure in the country and if somebody of his calibre should throw out the party that he rode on to power for eight years, then, it should be a source of concern to all Nigerians.
“He will be highly welcome to the party. If the party can receive him, its a plus for the APC.”
Copyright PUNCH.
OBJ, a shame to the military —DHQ
OBJ, a shame to the military —DHQ
FEBRUARY 17, 2015 BY FIDELIS SORIWEI 530 COMMENTS
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Former President Olusegun Obasanjo
Former President Olusegun Obasanjo
The Defence Headquarters has described former President Olusegun Obasanjo as an embarrassment to the military institution.
The Defence Headquarters made the comment in a statement posted on its Facebook page while reacting to a statement credited to the former President that the General Elections were postponed to enable the President to use the Service Chiefs for tenure extension in an electronic mail on Monday.
The Defence authorities accused the former President of politicising serious national security and military issues.
It was said that while Obasanjo’s intentions remained unclear, his motives for making such utterances were less than noble.
The statement stressed that Obasanjo’s claims were false.
It was also said that it was rather surprising that Obasanjo opted to ignore the assurances by the Defence authorities in a statement that the military would continue to be apolitical.
The military said that while it had the desire to accord some respect to Obasanjo and his views, the statement credited to him did not reflect the standard of discipline expected from a former General of his status.
The Defence authorities said that the world had moved beyond the mentality of Obasanjo, insisting that the military personnel of today were better equipped in the area of training, education and exposure to have a better appreciation of democracy and its importance to national prosperity.
“The Defence Headquarters has noted the remarks of a former President, Chief Olusegun Obasanjo, as reported in the media stating his views on perceived state of the armed forces and the roles being allegedly played by the military in the nation’s political process in recent times…
“It is however noteworthy that most of his utterances lately indicate an attitude of playing to the gallery or indulging in politicisation of serious national security or military affairs. For instance, the comments credited to Chief Obasanjo alleging that the postponement of the General Elections was to enable President Jonathan to use the Service Chiefs to plot a tenure extension is to say the least, very surprising.
“It is surprising indeed, considering the fact that the retired General chose to ignore the clarification and emphatic assurances of non-partisanship of the military as declared in a DHQ statement on the position of the Armed Forces in the ongoing political activities. His motive as usual remains unknown but it is certainly less than noble or well intentioned. We dare say again that Chief Obasanjo’s assertions are false.
“Much as the military desires to respect the old General and his views, it has become necessary to point out that his conduct and unguarded utterances of late have fallen short of the standard of discipline expected of an individual who has had the privilege of service in the military and risen to the status of a General.
“The behaviour of retired General (Chief) Obasanjo has been so unbecoming and continues to constitute a serious embarrassment to the military before all who have reasonably and rightly adjudged the essence of military background in terms of the high value and standard it tends to contribute to statesmanship.
“We feel constrained to remind the old General that the world has moved beyond that parochial and self-adulating reasoning and mindset which he seems stuck to. Indeed, he needs to be told that by virtue of their better training, exposure, education, assessment and environment, the military personnel of today are already far beyond his level in their appreciation of democracy and its indispensability for the stable and prosperous society which Nigerians cherish,” the statement read in part.
It was further said that the military institution bequeathed to the country had developed beyond where he left it and was more committed to the maintenance of the ethos of service of the military, valour, subordination to civil authorities and adherence to non-partisan discharge of their responsibilities.
The DHQ stressed that the military was not inept and could not have been misused in the manner presented by the former President.
The statement added that the military had such a strong belief in democracy and its structures and institutions that it would not do anything to undermine it.
It challenged Obasanjo to indicate genuine interest in the growth and sustenance of the nation’s democracy.
The statement urged Obasanjo to improve his understanding of complex issues involving the military and to encourage the services rather than imputing ulterior motives to security efforts.
“The Defence Headquarters will like to encourage Chief Obasanjo to be genuinely interested in the growth and sustenance of Nigeria’s democratic credentials. He is also enjoined to endeavour to improve in his understanding of intricate issues and try to encourage the military rather than continue with this tendency to indulge in imputation of ulterior motives to every effort, all for the purpose of discrediting well-thought-out policies or decisions related to the military’s roles in the polity.
“The support of all well-meaning elderly Nigerians remains vital in the onerous duty of working for the stability, defence and peace of our country under duly constituted authorities in a democratic environment,” the statement added.
Jonathan postponed elections to frustrate Buhari – NY Times
Jonathan postponed elections to frustrate Buhari – NY Times
FEBRUARY 17, 2015 BY ENIOLA AKINKUOTU 580 COMMENTS
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Former Head of State, Gen. Muhammadu Buhari (retd.)
Former Head of State, Gen. Muhammadu Buhari (retd.)
The United States-based New York Times says the postponement of the elections by the Independent National Electoral Commission was orchestrated by President Goodluck Jonathan to frustrate Maj. Gen Muhammadu Buhari (retd.) of the All Progressives Congress.
The newspaper, which has won 114 Pulitzer Prizes, further stated that Jonathan appeared to be afraid of the increasing popularity of Buhari, who most Nigerians would likely vote for.
It said this in the editorial of its Monday edition titled, “Nigeria’s Miserable Choices”.
The publication said, “Any argument to delay the vote might be more credible if President Goodluck Jonathan’s government had not spent much of the past year playing down the threat posed by the militants and if there were a reasonable expectation that the country’s weak military has the ability to improve security in a matter of weeks.
“It appears more likely that Mr. Jonathan grew alarmed by the surging appeal of Muhammadu Buhari, a former military ruler who has vowed to crack down on Boko Haram. By dragging out the race, Jonathan stands to deplete his rival’s campaign coffers while he continues to use state funds and institutions to bankroll his own.”
It said INEC’s excuse that elections were postponed because security forces wanted to fight insecurity would have been taken in good faith if Jonathan had been tackling insecurity effectively since he took office.
The 164-year-old newspaper said that Jonathan had become so unpopular that Nigerians were not afraid of the idea of a former military dictator returning as President.
It however said that Jonathan had become worried about the rising insecurity and was willing to accept help from western powers.
The newspaper warned that election postponement might increase the level of insecurity rather than reduce it and that Nigeria’s democracy would not survive an electoral crisis.
It said, “Beyond security matters, entrenched corruption and the government’s inability to diversify its economy as the price of oil, the country’s financial bedrock, has fallen and has also caused Nigerians to look for new leadership.
“Nigeria, the most populous African nation, and a relatively young democracy, cannot afford an electoral crisis. That would only set back the faltering efforts to reassert government control in districts where Boko Haram is sowing terror.
“The security forces may not be able to safeguard many districts on Election Day. But postponement is very likely to make the security threat worse.”
I’ll flee Nigeria if APC wins —Bode George
I’ll flee Nigeria if APC wins —Bode George
FEBRUARY 17, 2015 BY ENIOLA AKINKUOTU 508 COMMENTS
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Chief Bode George
Chief Bode George
In this interview with ENIOLA AKINKUOTU, a national leader of the Peoples Democratic Party, Chief Bode George, speaks on the recent comments of former President Olusegun Obasanjo and other national issues
Former President Olusegun Obasanjo says President Goodluck Jonathan plans to perpetuate himself in government like the former President of Cote d’Ivoire, Laurent Gbagbo. What do you think of this comment?
He (Obasanjo) says he is a Christian and as a Christian, it is emphasised in the New Testament of the Bible where Christ said judge not so that you will not be judged. But his judgment is no longer about the policies of Jonathan. He has gone down to the extent of saying Maj. Gen. Muhammadu Buhari (retd.) will jail you (Jonathan), that is why you are afraid. I am holding my breath because in an African setting, you talk to elders with respect and that is why I am trying to get the right words to describe my feelings. Baba (Obasanjo) is not a young man. He was Head of State at 39. So averagely, he should be about 84 or 85 and I am requesting that he should graciously fade away into the midnight. In the Bible, Romans chapter 13 states clearly that we should pray for those in authority. It says pray for your leaders so that they don’t run aground. So, to me that is my own interpretation. If baba (Obasanjo) had attended the Council of State meeting in Abuja, where they were very well briefed, and that it was decided that only the Chairman of the Independent National Electoral Commission, Prof. Attahiru Jega, that could pronounce a postponement and that he should go and come up with a decision and Jega addressed a press conference. Now to start comparing our President with Gbagbo in Cote d’Ivoire is unjust, unsavoury and unfair because what is the population of Ivory Coast? What are the tribal sentiments of Ivory Coast? Are they the same here? I want to plead with Baba. God has been kind to him and he has served his own time. I don’t want to conclude that his life will be like King Saul in the Bible. I pray it will not be so. Baba has played his role. No generation can finish any job. Nation building is a continuous exercise. You come, do your own and go back into history.
Apart from the issue of insecurity which Jega gave as the reason for the postponement of the elections, do you think INEC was ready to conduct the elections on February 14 and 28?
I granted an interview recently and there were two posers that I gave to Jega. Thank God Jega is a professor. He told us that there was an 88 per cent collection rate in Borno State where there is massive insurgency as well as in Yobe and Adamawa states. Here, where there is calmness and civility, only 30 something per cent of the populace had collected PVCs. It is just improving. I think as of last Friday over three million had collected as against 5.6 million. And he is saying we are ready. Without the Permanent Voter Cards, you are immediately disenfranchised. Ask Jega that as a professor, will it be fair to conduct an examination whereby you have (students who have) covered 80 per cent syllabus and another class where you have (students who have) covered only 30 per cent syllabus. Is it fair?
The other question is this issue of card readers. Have they been tested? I am talking as an electronic engineer of 48 years in practice. You just bought equipment from China and the last time it was tested was in China. Our own environment is not the same. Look at the vagaries of the temperature here from the swampy areas of the South and the savannah in the North. Who has tested the equipment? Now, I am not saying they will not all work but if there are almost 9,000 polling units in Lagos, is he saying all the 9,000 card readers will be functional? If the card readers fail to work in some polling units, what shall we do?
Why did the military surround former Governor Bola Tinubu’s house?
If Bola Tinubu finds his way into national government, I will go on exile. He hasn’t the temerity and the calmness of mind. They don’t even know what to do in power. Because the vice-president is his boy, he will just order that Bode George should be picked up. He said soldiers came to him but he must have been dreaming. When he said soldiers had surrounded his house, I drove down there because my house is not too far from there. I know the hierarchy of the military and its behaviour. That they surrounded his house is lie number one because on either side of his house are two buildings. There is also one at the back. So, I wondered where the soldiers were hiding. Why would you lie for public consumption? So when I got down there, I knew that his spin doctors were working. These days people go on the social media and the story went viral. Why would he (President Godluck Jonathan) from Abuja, be running after Bola? Let them be very careful about the statements they are making. More so, if Obasanjo is now linking Jonathan with what happened in Cote d’Ivoire and coup; not in this 21st Century. That is past and gone forever. No nation goes through this kind of tribulation twice and survive. We have had our own experience of Civil War and I pray that God does not direct our minds in that direction and our people have to watch their mouths.
The general perception in Lagos is that the governorship race is between yourself and Tinubu.
Absolutely not! In the PDP, no individual owns the party. I happen to have been the first national vice chairman, South-West PDP, and then became deputy national chairman South and then deputy national chairman for the whole country and having done that, they have honoured me that as long as I remain in the party, I remain a member of the Board of Trustees and I am the only one representing the South-West in the national caucus forever. That is a great honour in our party but I don’t decide who becomes a candidate. Primaries were conducted and in this particular case, the voice of the people became louder than anybody’s. I am not like Bola Tinubu, I don’t have the papers of the party in my pocket. I don’t even have a veto power. But the other side doesn’t practice democracy. We have friends that are members there. Jimi Agbaje has no godfather but will not behave like an authoritarian governor.
But Senator Musiliu Obanikoro said you were the one that imposed Agbaje.
That is absolute garbage, he knew he was lying. You know he came from their party and that is why he was saying it was me. He has now retracted the statement. We are now one indivisible party and we are ready for election. All the vagaries and all that happened during the primary was a test of the ability and the strength of our party and we listened to the voice of the people. The voice of the people is the voice of God.
Jonathan’s perception in the South-West is not as favourable as it was in 2011. There has been blame on you and other PDP Yoruba leaders for allowing Buhari to increase in popularity in the South-West.
If you had said this about two or three weeks ago, I would have agreed. I got these feelers straight to my face. People came to me and said they would vote for Agbaje but they will not vote for Jonathan because he had done nothing for us here. And I explained that there is a general misunderstanding of the concept of operation in this country. The long periods of military rule presupposed that the Head of State was responsible for everything and it is that same thinking that is responsible for this situation. We are all hands on deck explaining the differences between military governance and democratic governance.
Highly educated people, my age groups, were asking me this question but I explained to them that 60 per cent of the impact the President will have on you is through the federal allocation to your state. Does he give every state and every local government allocation? Yes. They collect it religiously every 30 days. In the area of security, he guarantees it. It is only three states in the North-East battling insecurity. There is peace and he guarantees that. What of infrastructure? All federal roads in Lagos from Alfred Rewane in Ikoyi all the way to Third Mainland Bridge and Ebute Meta are federal roads. Are they like the roads in Somolu and Akowonjo?
Secondly, the APC refused to participate in the National Conference. Since he (Buhari) has refused to debate, what will he do about the resolution unanimously reached by the National Conference? What will happen to the report? The decisions of the National Conference are so germane to the future of this country. The more reasons why the man who conceptualised it should be allowed to implement his decisions.
THE SECRET BEHIND APC
M posting this cos I just realized that a huge percentage of APC leaders are muslims,I never gave ears to this clams before but we Nigerians should wake up. #serious
decide which religion you want to be under the Nigerian constitution, then the same constitution now has sharia inside the constitution and sharia says if you dare change your religion from Islam to other religion, You will die, Sharia says, if you practice any other religion apart from Islam, you must die, both of them are inside the constitution, so you have to captain inside the same boat, that is what is wrong with Nigeria. It is clear in the Nigeria of today that if you touch Sharia, get ready for a bloodbath, They are ready to kill to retain sharia, For it is only when we stand on section 38 that we can now build a society that is founded upon liberty, Justice, equity and fairness, That is why the crisis in the north is endless, Boko Haram killing daily to take over Nigeria. Why is Boko Haram Killing? They want sharia, why do they want sharia? That is what is in the constitution.
Corruption is the symptoms of the real problem, the real disease is the dual ideology and only the Church can pray it out, but right now the church is praying other prayers. In 1983, OIC held a strategy meeting in London, in that meeting, they strategized how to turn the whole of Africa into an Islamic continent, They produced a 322 page document after that strategy section 156 pages focused on Nigeria, they identified seven key nation that must be captured before they can turn Africa into an Islamic continent, The Seven Nation are Nigeria, Kenya, Liberia, Malawi, Cote D'Ivoire, South Africa and Democratic republic of Congo, OIC says these seven Nations must primarily be Islamised and of these seven Nation Nigeria is number one
After they did that OIC now zoned Nigeria, (Now this is interesting) our current geo political zones structure, South -South, South- east, North- east, North -west, North Central was not design by any Nigerian government. There is no Nigerian Law backing it, it was not passed by any constituent assembly or by any constitutional sitting or by any national referendum. It was designed by OIC in 1983. OIC broke Nigeria into six zones not to unite us as a people, not to develop us as a nation but to break us into little groups for the purpose of Islamization, They have taken the north west, they have placed the stamp of Islam on it, Sharia, They have taken the north east, they have placed the stamp of Islam on it, Sharia, they are battling furiously for the north central, while the train at the same time has transform into a political machinery and has moved into the south west
The next battle ground for 2015 is the south-west, the south west is the key that is where the intellectuals are, that is where the press are, that is where the manufacturing industries are, That is where the banking industries are, whatever you get in the south west, You can take it anywhere in Nigeria, It will sell
Now there has been a handshake under the guise of a political party, Nigerians should wake up, This is more than Politics, it is an Islamic Agenda
When they finished, they handed their strategy to Sheu Musa Yaradua, He presented it at the 1988 constituent assembly that was how it entered the Nigerian consciousness. Until Abacha became the head of states, When he wanted to transmute from military head of state to a civilian, he called Dr Alex Ekweme to restructure Nigeria for him, Alex Ekweme gave him these six geo Political zones structure, the real independent of Nigeria started on April 28th, 1996 that was why Abacha said he wanted six vice Presidents one for each geo Political zones. Nigerian real independent was on 28th of April 1996, The day Sani Abacha was used by God to deposed Dasuki, the Sultan of Sokoto, sacked him and appointed Machido
M posting this cos I just realized that a huge percentage of APC leaders are muslims,I never gave ears to this clams before but we Nigerians should wake up. #serious
decide which religion you want to be under the Nigerian constitution, then the same constitution now has sharia inside the constitution and sharia says if you dare change your religion from Islam to other religion, You will die, Sharia says, if you practice any other religion apart from Islam, you must die, both of them are inside the constitution, so you have to captain inside the same boat, that is what is wrong with Nigeria. It is clear in the Nigeria of today that if you touch Sharia, get ready for a bloodbath, They are ready to kill to retain sharia, For it is only when we stand on section 38 that we can now build a society that is founded upon liberty, Justice, equity and fairness, That is why the crisis in the north is endless, Boko Haram killing daily to take over Nigeria. Why is Boko Haram Killing? They want sharia, why do they want sharia? That is what is in the constitution.
Corruption is the symptoms of the real problem, the real disease is the dual ideology and only the Church can pray it out, but right now the church is praying other prayers. In 1983, OIC held a strategy meeting in London, in that meeting, they strategized how to turn the whole of Africa into an Islamic continent, They produced a 322 page document after that strategy section 156 pages focused on Nigeria, they identified seven key nation that must be captured before they can turn Africa into an Islamic continent, The Seven Nation are Nigeria, Kenya, Liberia, Malawi, Cote D'Ivoire, South Africa and Democratic republic of Congo, OIC says these seven Nations must primarily be Islamised and of these seven Nation Nigeria is number one
After they did that OIC now zoned Nigeria, (Now this is interesting) our current geo political zones structure, South -South, South- east, North- east, North -west, North Central was not design by any Nigerian government. There is no Nigerian Law backing it, it was not passed by any constituent assembly or by any constitutional sitting or by any national referendum. It was designed by OIC in 1983. OIC broke Nigeria into six zones not to unite us as a people, not to develop us as a nation but to break us into little groups for the purpose of Islamization, They have taken the north west, they have placed the stamp of Islam on it, Sharia, They have taken the north east, they have placed the stamp of Islam on it, Sharia, they are battling furiously for the north central, while the train at the same time has transform into a political machinery and has moved into the south west
The next battle ground for 2015 is the south-west, the south west is the key that is where the intellectuals are, that is where the press are, that is where the manufacturing industries are, That is where the banking industries are, whatever you get in the south west, You can take it anywhere in Nigeria, It will sell
Now there has been a handshake under the guise of a political party, Nigerians should wake up, This is more than Politics, it is an Islamic Agenda
When they finished, they handed their strategy to Sheu Musa Yaradua, He presented it at the 1988 constituent assembly that was how it entered the Nigerian consciousness. Until Abacha became the head of states, When he wanted to transmute from military head of state to a civilian, he called Dr Alex Ekweme to restructure Nigeria for him, Alex Ekweme gave him these six geo Political zones structure, the real independent of Nigeria started on April 28th, 1996 that was why Abacha said he wanted six vice Presidents one for each geo Political zones. Nigerian real independent was on 28th of April 1996, The day Sani Abacha was used by God to deposed Dasuki, the Sultan of Sokoto, sacked him and appointed Machido
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Tuesday, 10 February 2015
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8 lies that can destroy your marriage
Saturday, 7 February 2015
Monday, 19 January 2015
How to Free Yourself from Guilt
How to Free Yourself from Guilt
PHOTO BY ZARA JAY
EDITOR’S NOTE
This article was originally published on December 20, 2007, around the time this blog was born. Sometimes, older articles get buried and lost in the archives, but their advice is still applicable today. As I transition into a full-time mom again, I recently experienced some guilt (more on that in a new post soon) and this articled helped to ground me with its gentle reminders to "Let go of the pain. It's all an illusion. Set yourself free. Everything will be okay." Enjoy the article!
Have you recently felt guilty for something you didn’t do?
Perhaps, feeling guilty for not replying to emails? Guilty for not reaching all your goals for the day? Guilty for having spent hours browsing the web aimlessly and not having enough time to do something important? Guilty for telling someone you’d call, but never returning the call? Do you beat yourself up for it?
I’m definitely guilty of having felt guilty. :) I’m also guilty for the self-inflicted mental beating I give myself, afterwards.
Thoughts like these have the power to bring you down. They carry an energy that weighs down on your mind, because part of you is constantly thinking about it. The guilt begins popping up in everything you do. Do you get random tightness feeling in your stomach? A sort of nervousness that you just can’t seem to shake off?
I’ve experienced a great amount of guilt over the past few weeks. Since the birth of this blog, I’ve fallen in love with working on the blog. For all the joy it has brought me, it has taken a tremendous amount of dedication and time. Since I was not prepared for the commitment for blog, I have been neglecting my other commitments and activities. My neglect has been manifesting in feelings of guilt.
The experience of guilt is also a great gift. It gave me the opportunity and willingness to look deeper into this ‘man-made’ emotion. I wanted to share with you my realizations and a simple six step technique I’ve used to help myself overcome this unpleasant feeling.
Realizations about Guilt
Here are some things I’ve observed and realized about the emotion of Guilt:
1. Self Inflicted
All guilt is self-inflicted and created by the mind. It is a feeling that we choose to experience. The feeling is rooted in our ego; a fear of not being accepted by the peers in our social group.
2. Open Issues
Guilt is often caused by open issues that were not addressed. I discovered that if I had a plan for solving the issue, then the feeling would be either relieved or reduced.
3. Feeling of Debt
Often times, we feel guilty because we feel like we owe something to someone, like a debt. Whether it’s social debt, monetary debt, or unfulfilled responsibilities.
One example is not calling a friend after you promised you would do so. Or feeling like you owe a favor to a friend or family, but you haven’t done it.
In my personal example, I have felt guilty for not publishing as many articles as I would like to this blog. I felt that I owned you an article (which sometime eats at me psychologically). But you see this feeling of “debt” isn’t real and is pretty ridiculous. It’s just my mind doing its trick to create drama and suffering. And seriously, I should write only when I’m inspired and able to do so.
4. More Beneath the Surface
The perceived problem causing the guilt is just a small piece visible on the surface. Typically, there are unresolved issues or other meaning beneath what we see on the surface.
Ask yourself – what are these issues? By addressing the surface, the guilt might seem to disappear, but it’ll be back. The problem will surface again, dressed in another form but rooted in the same underlying issue.
The best strategy is to uncover the underlying issue. For example, I felt guilty for not attending a party, especially after some peer pressure from friends. The underlying issue may be that, “I want to be liked and accepted by my friends, I’m afraid that they’ll stop liking me if I don’t go to the party. I need their friendship in order to validate myself.”
One way to address the underlying issue for this example can be: find ways to feel whole and complete about myself without the need to be validated by other people. Practice building self confidence and self appreciation.
Tips for Dealing with Guilt:
- Fully Experiencing the Feeling – As with overcoming any emotion, the best way is to fully experience the feeling. Spend a few minutes in uninterrupted space, close your eyes, now fully and deeply feel the guilt surge over you. Witness it as a third-person. It will probably hurt, but just be with it, it’s an experience that will help you overcome the feeling. As you fully witness the feeling, you will notice the feeling slowly fade away.
- Seek to Understand Why – We know that there are more beneath the surface for why we feel guilt in the first place. Ask yourself why? Why are you choosing to allow guilt into your life? What is it about this feeling that is serving you and your ego?
- Focus on What You Can Do Now - Focus on things you can do now, instead of things you have not done. Guilt is often regretting something you did not do in the past, so recognize that we cannot change time. If we cannot go back to the past, then why are we spending energy pondering the past?
- Brainstorm Action Items – What are some tasks you can do to remove this feeling of guilt? Write them down.
- Prioritize – Once you have your list of action items, prioritize them in order of importance. What will cause the greatest relief of your pain? Put a number beside each item.
- Planning and Scheduling – Once you have your list of action items prioritized, schedule them into your calendar. Plan to tackle each one of these items, with the high priority tasks first.
- Be Realistic - Realize that you only have a set amount of time each day. Be realistic with what you plan to get done. Please be gentle with yourself, don’t give yourself a hard time if you cannot achieve them. Focus on the high priority items. Think 80/20 rule: What action items will give me the biggest return for my time?
6 Step Process for Resolving Self-Inflicted Guilt
The following is a simple technique I used to overcome these feelings.
(I know there are other techniques out there and I’d love to hear about them. Share with us in the comments.)
Step 1: Create Your Guilt List
On a blank sheet of paper, write at the top: “Things I feel guilty about:”, and list out all the things you feel guilty about. For each item, use a separate line and leave a gap underneath each one (space for 3-4 lines).
Keep writing until you run out of guilt-related thoughts. Do not edit your thoughts. Write down whatever comes to mind. Use multiple pages if necessary. Use only one side of the page, so it’s easy to review this list later.
The idea is to get these thoughts out of your head. You have been carrying these thoughts around and they take up space in your mind. This exercise attempts to clear out some of these thoughts. By having them laid out on paper, we can see them clearly, and come face-to-face with our self-inflicted guilt thoughts.
When I did this, I was shocked at how long my list was. Examples from my own list:
- Not enough time in a day to do what I want
- I’m not spending time reading or meditating. I’ve lost myself.
- Not writing enough articles. So many unwritten articles.
- Sleeping too late. Not going to bed after Adam waits up for me.
Step 2: Brainstorm Your Guilt Battle Plan
For each guilt, ask yourself, “What can I do about it?”
In the space under each item in your list (from Step 1), describe the actions that you can take to eliminate or reduce this guilt. You might have to break the actions into smaller steps.
Example, list of actions to address my “not spending time reading or meditation” guilt:
- Schedule reading time daily, minimum of 30 minutes.
- Minimum of 5-15 minutes every morning to meditate (sit quietly)
- Wake up earlier
- Sleep earlier
If you’ve tried, but can’t find a resolving action, then list out positive and realistic statements to reason with this guilt. Example, statements for my “Not writing enough articles” guilt:
- I am doing the best that I can.
- I write when I am inspired. It’s okay to post twice weekly as long as I maintain consistency and quality.
Step 3: Create Your Values List
On a new blank sheet of paper, write at the top: “Aspects of My Life That Are Most Important to Me:” or “What I Value Most:”. List out things most important to you, starting from the most important. I used the term things broadly, which can be replaced with people, feelings, opportunities, actions, and commitments that you value. Similarly, for each item, use a separate line and leave a gap under each item.
Imagine, if you can have only one thing out of life, what would that thing be? Write down the first thing that pops in your head. Do not edit your thoughts. Now, repeat the question with “if you can have two things”. It’s important to write without editing.
Here’s a partial list for what I value most:
- Feeling present, calm, peaceful, healthy, energetic and centered.
- My family: my parents and my partner, Adam.
- My blog: readers, connecting with readers, providing value.
- My job and business.
- My friends.
Step 4: How to Fuel Your Values
For each item you most value, list out action items you would like to do which contributes towards that item.
Example, for my most valued item, “Feeling centered, peaceful, energetic.”, some action items are:
- Meditation and quite time
- Planning and Journaling
- Reading time.
- Exercise: Jogging and rebounding.
- Drinking water.
- Orderly living space.
Step 5: Create Your Guilt Reduction Action Plan
On a new sheet of paper, write at the top “Things I Will Plan For” or “Things I Would Like to Do Regularly”.
Scan through the action items from both lists. You might find some common action items that exist from both lists. Write these action items out on a separate sheet of paper. These are the higher priority action items that will give you the biggest return for your time, since they contribute towards things most important to you as well. You can list disjoint items as well, but mark them as lower priority.
Example, some common items I see from my lists are:
- Sleeping early and waking up early.
- Reading time
- Meditation & quiet time
- Reduce email & web browsing time
For me, it became apparent that if I just addressed these items, the quality of my life will increase significantly. Not only will I reduce self-inflicted guilt, but I will also contribute towards the aspects of my life that I value most.
Step 6: Habituate Your Guilt Reduction Actions
Put a weekly schedule beside each item from step 5. Even if you don’t do follow it, this will create the space in your awareness which will allow positive change to happen.
Example,
- Meditation: minimum daily quiet time of 5-15 minutes. I will also do Nithya Dhyaan meditation twice a week (Sundays and Wednesdays).
- Reading: 30 minutes – 1 hour daily.
- Sleep: go to bed before 1am daily.
We often don’t do the tasks that we want to do, because we don’t create the time.
Take one action item that will make the biggest difference to your wellbeing. Make it your highest priority and commit to doing it everyday for the week.
It’s important to focus on one action item at a time, so that you can turn it into a habit, before moving on to the next.
I wish you success. Let me know how it goes.
Lastly
Regardless of what we think the external circumstances are, the real cause of guilt lies within ourselves. We have the power to choose what to focus our attention on, but we often react instinctively and forget to control our perspective. And in the reactive patterns, we unconsciously give attention to guilt and accidentally welcome it into our inner space.
It is possible to stop yourself in your reaction, and witness your inner space as you react. With practice and conscious awareness, it is possible to undo our conditioning for instant reaction, and eventually eliminate guilt completely.
Editor’s note: This article took about 3 weeks to complete, as I have been dealing with this self-inflicted guilt the entire time. I’ve created this simple six step process in dealing with my personal feelings. I have tested and refined the process myself, and I am noticing a positive shift in my state of mind. I hope you may find it helpful in your life.
Allowing ourselves to make changes in our lives for the better takes real courage. What is the one action you would like take to eliminate some guilt in your life? I know that you will have the courage in you to follow through.
For your courage, I applaud you.
What is one guilt you are feeling now (or felt recently)? Wha
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